Why do we have problems? (Counterintuitive)
Did you know that one of the main reasons you could always be facing problems in your relationships with others, whether at work, or in your personal life, might be, precisely, because you do not like conflict?
Whatever the reason behind the fear of conflict, you need to see tension, the presence of different views and ideologies, as a healthy, refreshing, and even sometimes fun way to relate to others!
We are not talking, in any way, about being disrespectful or uncivilized.
We are talking about you not standing up for your values, points of views, or ideas, just because you like harmony too much, and it is, indeed, possible to like it too much.
For nothing is more violent than to always be soft.
This concept clashes even with being a good “believer”, whatever your religion is. Precisely because you have been created as a dignified being.
If you need to be loved and appreciated by everybody, it is a very bad idea.
Expressing, respectfully and firmly, your convictions, helps you emit a consistent signal to the Universe so that it knows what you want.
It enables people to SEE you, and opportunities to come to you, according to the identity you show the world.
But, let us have a closer look at the definition of conflict according to the dictionary:
“Conflict: a serious disagreement between people, organizations, or countries with opposing opinions”;
"Conflict: mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands ";
"Conflict: to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash.
What it isn’t: war, violence, disrespect, harm, and all the misconceptions we have about it.
It is healthy to disagree, even with yourself, as it is sane to express it.
A little bit of struggle between people lead to better understanding, greater respect and dignity, and also, to progress and evolution.
Nature itself struggles to thrive.
The whole concept of Yin&Yan, is a fascinating balance between opposite poles.
One can find it in yoga, where postures are kept by an amazing will to maintain harmony between tension and relaxation;
In dance, for no moves can be executed without the appropriate amount of tension.
In music, because if the strings of a guitar are too loose, there is no sound, and if they are too tight, one cannot play. (Little Buddha movie)
And in so much more fields of life, like chemistry and physics, just to mention a few.
Also, living conflicts with people and keep on being friends, or couples, or good colleagues, is, in fact, wonderful.
Keep it in mind next time you hesitate to speak up, and ask yourself what you are really afraid of.
If you’re not used to stand up for yourself, it will feel very uncomfortable at the beginning, but it does not matter, keep on going.
You will see clearly your tendency to shrink as soon as you read disapproval in people’s eyes. Again, not a big deal, hold your ground.
Wobble at home if you need to, or with a close friend, but keep being brave when you need to be.
Rehearse at home, within yourself, as long as your words are not offensive, you have the responsibility to be you.
For there is nothing noble, or even cute, in being nice, over being true.