This has been a challenging question for me to answer for the past 5 years. At first when I was asked this question I thought, I know exactly who I am. I am… and by the time I was done, you would know everything about my family, my religion and my god.
So the question went unanswered for years. My identity was the age gap between my siblings when my father cheated on my mother, my identity was wrapped up in the ruthless, painful, devastation that my youngest brother endured being molested by his predator for years.
I was anything outside of myself. Too scared to learn the same thing that was worthy of being left by my dad would be found out. In a way, I was taught to abandon myself to help the greater good, which was to help raise my 3 month old brother and my 3 other siblings alongside of my mom at 13 years old.
But today I am me. I am myself. I am a gift to myself. My thoughts, dreams and ambitions are a thing now. They always existed before, but I was so unware.
I am a 32 white-Hispanic woman who loves self realizations, who is not scared of what life may throw at me. I am a mom to one toddler boy, I am a prideful, loving, wife of 10 years. I am relentless at loving my younger four siblings and seeing them succeed in whatever capacity that makes sense for their journey.
I am constantly learning and unlearning. I am constantly looking for blind spots in my life. I love self-reflection. I love books. I love coffee-shops.
I live in a love-hate relationship with my own mother and live in a non-existent relationship with my father.
I love counseling, and wish I could afford more of it.
I love truth, no matter the cost. (This is my foundation).
I love working out although I need accountability.
And I love the high it gives me to impress guys at a pick up basketball game at only 5’2.
Who Am I?
Everyday I am on the journey of who this is. But I am loving every moment of the process. It takes a lot of looking back, taking responsibility, unlearning and maturing and more importantly care.
I love who I am today.
And today that is all that matters.
Because I know that is enough.
Happy New Year, to a fully present self!