Positive self talk

We can be so hard on ourselves.

Last night I had a great check in with a friend. We discussed how we often feel like our own worst critics.

I’m wondering if anyone can please share any helpful tips for improving positive self talk?

Sometimes my negative self talk can get out of control. I am an overthinker and have a difficult time getting stuck in cycles of negative thoughts.

Sometimes it feel likes there’s a little bully living inside my head (fear, anxiety, self-doubt, etc.). She’s so mean and discouraging and she says things that I would never say to a friend or even a stranger.

Just trying to learn ways to better manage that negative inner voice.

Looking forward to connecting!

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I try to find inspirational material on YouTube. This is a good channel: https://youtu.be/IkIR93Cpy3U It’s hard to shut off the inner voice. I enjoy running outside in nature if possible, there’s plenty to see and I try to concentrate on my surroundings. Every time I find myself running a loop in my brain I focus on looking around. There are many ways of meditating, have you tried any?

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I try to catch myself negative self talk and change what I just said into something positive.
i.e. “I look so fat.” gets changed into “I am not digging this outfit today, let me change into an outfit that makes me feel great.”
i.e. “I am so stupid, why can’t I get this to work?” into “I am struggling to understand this and that is ok, I am still learning.”
It is not a fool proof method, but it is a start.
Sometimes I write them down so I can look at the progress I have made.

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Thank you so much for sharing this resource! I love that you find running outside in nature helpful. I have tried some meditation practices before but I have not been consistent. I want to retry again in 2021! Typically, when I feel overwhelmed by thoughts or emotions I enjoy creating artwork, I find it fun and relaxing. Thank you so much again for sharing this with me, I really appreciate it. The video definitely helped me gain more insight on understanding how I can continue on my self-love journey.

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Hi Kayleigh, thank you for sharing this with me! I really admire that you are able to turn your negative thoughts into more positive ones. This sounds like a great way to build up self-compassion, which isn’t easy. I am working on developing more self compassion in the new year so thank you again for this helpful tip!

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Everyday we have a battle in our mind… you have to understand that’s the only battle we have to conquer. I have to consistently tell myself to doubt my doubts. I take in deep breaths of positivity and exhale all negativity to get through situations! I also listen to alot of Dr. Myles Monroe and Eric Thomas! Anything to get me pumped and motivated! I’m a teacher and though I am not always motivated, I have to be sure I go in that beauty school with a good mindset! Try to center yourself. Best of luck!

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Dear CollageCorner,

I’ve been on a two year journey of discovery of self : )
I’ve could have said self-discovery, but ‘discovery of self’ is so chic !

Positive thinking is something I’ve been working hard for many years to achieve and mostly have succeeded…

Key word: Mindfulness

Here is an author I believe you should know about:

  1. Shawn Achor.

TEDx - Shawn Achor - “The Happiness Advantage: Linking Positive Brains to Performance”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXy__kBVq1M

Books…

  1. The Happiness Advantage
  2. Before Happiness
    Note: This book has a chapter that may interest you…

SKILL 4: Noise Canceling: Boosting Your Positive Signal by Eliminating the Negative Noise

A heavier book, but so helpful and kind of the bible of the Positive Psychology mindset…

  1. DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets (second edition), Marsha M. Linehan

Hope this helps.
Warmest regards,

SB

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Great choice! Didn’t know about this one : )

SB

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Dear @CollageCorner,

I’m really sorry when I read or hear something like this, I’ve been in those situations myself so I know how you feel. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that you can’t totally turn off the inner voice but the good news is that you can control it and make it work for you.
Instead of giving you some advice, I will tell you a short story …
The story of a little boy sitting by the fire with his grandfather, staring at the fire, asked his grandfather:
“Why are some people evil and some noble and good?”
His grandfather looked at him and answered him this way:
“In every man, there are two wolves who are in an eternal combat with each other, one is good and one is evil”
The boy asked his grandfather curiously:
“Tell me please, Grandpa, which of these two wolves wins in the end?”
His grandfather replied:
“The one, my son, whom you feed more”

Much love :heart:

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Thank you so much for sharing this powerful reminder! Its so important to remember its always me vs. me. Or in other words I am the only one with the ability to stand in my own way. I definitely want to become more consistent with deep breathing and even meditation practices. Thank you for your suggestions! I’ll have to check out Dr. Myles Monroe and Eric Thomas, I haven’t heard any of their content yet! Thank you for being a teacher and for bringing that positivity :woman_superhero: I really appreactiate your reply and your well wishes!

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Hi Serge, thank you so much for sharing these resources with me! First things first, I so love that and agree that discovery of self sounds tres chic ! I am curious to know your definition of Mindfulness! I feel like mindfulnes is something I am still trying to understand. Thank you for your author, ted talk and book suggestions. I so appreciate it! :relaxed:

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Hi Antares! Wow thank you so much for sharing this powerful story with me! It has been so interesting, I have been noticing a common theme in my replies about the inward battle. But your story here really helps bring it all together. :heart:

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Awe you’re welcome! Stay blessed

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Good Afternoon CollageCorner,

You’re welcome : )

To be perfectly honest Mindfulness is a work in progress on my end as well. So, without looking at the literature I suggested, I’ll try to define it the best I can. Then I’ll write down the DBT Skills Training - Handouts and Worksheets workbook’s definition. I’m challenging myself, best way to learn!

I define Mindfulness as being a state. It’s more than being in the moment. It’s partly body scans, emotions, and engaging all of your senses to a particular activity. For example, I could do my dishes normally - that is practical and helps put order to my life. In a normal state, I do dishes and my mind wanders.

When I follow my understanding of Mindfulness and do the dishes, I use all of my senses to concentrate on the task. Nothing else matters.

Touch : warmth, cold, objects hard or soft or in between. How does that make me feel? Do I enjoy the sensation? Are there emotions being released?
Sight: colours, size, shape, water movement…
Etc.

Why is that strong? Why does this help us? It’s about controlling our thoughts, learning to focus, not allowing anxieties to win.

Negative self talk, taming the monkey mind, recurring thoughts, makes us believe that we are not in control. Training the mind to do our bidding is extremely challenging, even more so when anxiety’s creeps in and complicates things.

Mindfulness Skills
… They [mindfulness skills] teach us how to observe and experience reality as it is, to be less judgemental, and to live in the moment with effectiveness…

Source: DBT Skills Training - Handouts and Worksheets (2n Edition), Marsha M. Linehan.

… “less judgemental”, that’s what I was missing : )

Hope this helps.

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Dear CollageCorner,
Hi there… I have been reading up on your concerns about negative self-talk and all the amazing, kind responses here…
I truly admire the folks’ advices or responses because they are so on-point! everyone has something to contribute to everyone — even to myself, when I was just browsing around without any particular intention here - isn’t that amazing! Thank you www.talktimers.com for this platform.

Anyway, if it helps any… I just want to emphasize what Serge said, Mindfulness, is really more of training our “monkey minds” (meaning our mind that keeps wandering in many different directions) to stay in the Here and the Now. It is somewhat a meditation practice…but more like training in a marathon. Because we are all not born with a one-single pointed focus…We were all born naturally inquisitive, curious and I would say – with a noisy mind at times.
I had my share of negative self talk — so many doubts getting in the way of my past goals… fears, especially fear of failure so that I won’t even try to take the first step, or the other side, “fear of success” — which sometimes doesn’t even show itself till you recognize how afraid you truly are about being successful and what you are going to do with all that success! Crazy isn’t it?
So, I would just recommend - same as the other wonderful folks who replied here to you… to try to let all the other “shit” in your mind go… let that go, by tuning into your inner self — quieting your thoughts by emptying your mind of anything and everything that pops up when you meditate.

Meditation is key, if you can practice even a short 20-30 minute daily quiet meditation…I do every morning, upon waking up early and having my first cup of coffee (to get me going)… and Meditation doesn’t have to mean sitting on a floor pillow, legs crossed and doing the OM chant… although that is very centering to your spirit. But, it could be anything from… walking your dog in the early morning when everyone is still asleep…and really focusing on the nature or sights and sounds around you… focusing on your dog… or it could be simply, waking up, turning on your computer, tuning into some mellow new age-y music… and opening up your mind to your early thoughts… writing them down on a journal is helpful as well.
Do not get intimidated with the word “meditation” or “mindfulness” - they’re just words describing tools for your practice of quieting your mind.

Antares, who replied above with a very moving tale of the two wolves that reside in our minds…in eternal combat…be careful who you choose to feed…try your best to listen more to the good wolf. We all have them.
I hope this helps…
Namaste,
Akustik Maya

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Hi CollageCorner. Just to piggy back on what Kayleighillustration is saying with changing negative thoughts to positive thoughts is to use positive affirmations. You can just start with a few and say them shortly after waking up and then again before bedtime if you want to do them twice a day. This helps to start rewiring your brain so even if you don’t believe the affirmations fully your subconscious mind starts to take them in.

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As a life coach and NLP master this is one of the main issues with most people in these current times.
The hardest battle are always with ourselves, the social pressures on us heap unwarranted attention on us and we compare constantly to others. These others are living another life, their life and we need to live ours our best way.
Take the time to pause before speaking, listen in your head and be mindful of the language you are using when talking about yourself your life your plans.
What we say creates the world we live in and the vibrations and energies we portray .
Changing this is the first step, raise your vibration through mindful words. Create the vision and future you really want and talk about it in the present tense as if it has already happened.
Maybe have a close friend keep you accountable, highlighting not criticizing the language you use until it become more obvious to you and you actually can then hear yourself say these things and edit immediately.
if you would like to talk more and discuss many more options message me anytime.

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Ooou thank you for this suggestion! @gregkcoach I so love this and feel like this will definitely help me with my 2021 goal of building my self confidence. What are some of your favorite affirmations to tell yourself?

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Start with just a few affirmations- “I Am” statements are the best. Think of some things you are good at or are some of your strengths. If you have trouble thinking of some strengths on your own think of some positive comments you have received from others. A couple examples could be - “I Am Worthy”- that is a deep one- if you are not ready for that one that is okay. Or “I Am A Good Listener”. I saw you are an artist- “I Am A Good Artist” or something along those lines. You can also add more as you go. I do affirmations daily and change them up at times when I want to add new ones or take off old ones that don’t resonate any longer for me. Hope that helps for getting started.

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Hi @CollageCorner ! It’s so wonderful you’re seeking help for positive self talk and self love.

A few ways that have helped me and others I know battle negative self talk is reminding yourself of all the positive strengths you have, and when your brain is being mean to you, try and step away from the negativity and self deprivation and replace it with self affirmation and self love. This can be difficult at times, so I certainly feel for what you’re going through!

A good practice I like to do is simply telling yourself in the mornings (and anytime really) that you are good enough, you are strong, and you are loved. Negative thoughts can often lead to a downward spiral that can be difficult to separate from. Consciously adding positive affirmation to your daily routine can help create a new inner dialog, and build up the self love, self confidence, and self worth that you deserve.

I hope any of this helps! And if you ever feel like you need someone to vent to or remind you not to let your brain be mean to you, feel free to PM me :slight_smile:

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