I need feedback for my next book. Here's one chapter

Hi! I am looking into publishing my new novel “Elena, the story of a cursed child”.
I know this book will impact a lot of lives and a lot of women world wide will relate and get inspired by it.

It’s based on a true story of a soul that pushed through life in spite of the ruthless curse that chased her to the last breath.
I tell everyone that it’s a book that will make you cry, laugh and cry again.

Heres’s the set up:
Her life was getting better and now she was married with a lovely man, they settled in a nice apartment and just brought home their new born. Things just turned the right way and they were enjoying their two sons.

Double trouble

“Daddy, daddy, wake up!”

The little boy was so excited that you’d swear he has rocket boots. He was jumping around the bed trying to get the man to come back to life and enjoy every second of it. He pulled the curtain open to let the sunshine flood the room and right on the man’s face.

“Daddy! Come on! It’s morning! Look how beautiful it is! Let’s play!”

The man barely opened his eyes. The light was blinding him. In spite of the perpetual tired feeling he had, he managed to pull the covers up

“Hop in”

The boy jumped in and under cuddling to his father. The man hugged him and left the covers to land over their heads. They were still. He felt that now they can go back to sleep. But the feeling vanished in a split of a second when the little one just jolt and started to move around looking for a playful time. Knowing that he will not be able to snooze, the man went in play mode and start tickling the boy. He filled the room with sharp and loud laughter. Right in the same moment they heard from the other room the cry of a baby.

“Oh. You woke him up…”

“Sorry daddy. You tickled me”

“Yes, you’re right. It’s my fault. I should’ve thought that mom is sleeping in the other room with the little one. Can you believe you have a brother? How should we name him? I know we’ll have to ask mom, but how would you like to call you brother?”

“Hmmm… Daniel?”

“That sound good, my little thinker.”

“Who named me? Otty…?”

“Mom did. Your name is Attila, but we like to call you Otty because is cute and it fits you just now.”

“Ohh…”

“Hey boys… thank you for the wakeup call. I could’ve used another hour of sleep. This little one woke me up almost every hour last night.”

“Mommy!!!” the boy ran to her and hugged her thighs.

The woman was holding the newborn in her arms, but she lowered her hand to grab Otty and caress his hair.

“Good morning, sweetie. Did you have a good night? Good dreams?”

“Yes mommy, I dreamed that me and him went up and flew over the clouds and we were able to see the entire world from there.”

“Wow, my little pilot. How about daddy flies you to the kitchen and makes a coffee. I will go fuel this little airplane.” and she switched the little one from a hold to a floating position and started to move towards the bedroom while humming an engine sound. The little one giggled.

Dad went on her lead and picked up Otty, lay him flat on his hands and flu him into the kitchen. They still don’t know who came up with the flying game, but it looks like it was the family tradition. When they got to the kitchen, dad started to alternate the engine buzz with an alarm sound.

“Mayday, mayday. We’re losing power. Prepare for emergency landing. Landing gear down. Lower the landing gear”. The boy bent his legs.

“Hit the brakes and cut the engine. That looks like a good spot to land with minimum casualties. Prepare for impact!” and he sat him on the counter. They both laugh because of the while imagination that was making their time together so much fun.

“Now I need to save some lives”

“Oh. Is anyone in danger?”

“Yes, us. Mommy needs coffee. If we’re not providing the essential fuel, we might lose our lives at the wrath of the morning monster.”

The boy smiled and opened a cabinet pulling the sugar out. He knew the drill and he knew that as much as they were playing and joking… it was a seed of truth in that.

The man grabbed the pot, poor the water, turned on the gas and put it on the stove like a well-practiced lifesaving maneuver. It was in the making and their lives were about to be spared. Another successful mission.

“Honey! The coffee is ready. Do you want me to bring it to you or you want it in the kitchen?”

“Just leave it there, honey. I am still taking care of this little one. It’s been four days since we brought him home and he didn’t let me be a second. He’s hungry all the time.” she said from the bedroom and turned to the little sucker with a sweet tone “who gonna be a big strong boy? who’s gonna take mommy on dates and bring home a nice girl to be his wife? who’s gonna give mommy some nice grandchildren? Who? You tell me you little cutie.”

The man conformed and left the coffee on the counter. She took a whiff and felt the aroma all the way from the bedroom. It was such a good feel flowing in the home. The morning was perfect. She was feeding the little one in the bedroom, her husband that she loves so much was playing with their first born in the living room, it was a nice sunny day, the spring was on its way finally after the long gloomy winter, the air was fresh, the little one was home, everything was just great. All this made her close her eyes and let a big smile flourish with joy. The sun was warming up her face. It was such a good feeling.

“Mommy…” Otty appeared in the door frame.

“Yes sweetie” the woman barely mumbled trying to come back from her dreamy stance.

“Daniel”

“Who?”

“Daniel. This is how we should call him” the boy said entering the room and coming closer to the bed to see his brother’s face.

“Oh. You mean to name him Daniel? That’s a nice name. Hmmm… Sounds like a good idea. We’ll need to ask daddy to see if he wants too.”

“Daddy said yes!” the boy replied enthusiastic while the man showed up in the frame. She looked at him with wondering eyes and he nodded.

“Then Daniel it is! Welcome home Daniel!” she said with no fear that the baby will wake up. She knew he’s sound asleep. He usually does after a good meal.

“Otty, go in the living room and find some nice cartoons on TV. I have to do something and I’ll come to sit with you. Honey, I’ll let you have a nap if you need one. We’ll be quiet for a while.”

“Thank you sweetie. You’re the best husband ever. No wonder I chased you down like a lamb at Easter time. Ok. I think this time I will just snuggle with… Daniel. You know what? I like it. It sounds good. Otty’s a smart kid and he has a big heart. I love that boy. What a blessing. Ok. I will just lay back here with him.”

“No problem. That’s why I am here and that’s why… I let you chase me. I wanted you to catch me.”

"You’re funny… “the woman said with a whisper that almost dissipated in the air before it reached him.

He got closer, caressed her and kissed her forehead.

“Sweet dreams. I’ll go take care of some business. Make you a little surprise. You know… for my girl.” He straighten up, took a moment to take in the beautiful picture of mother and baby, tilted his head with an emotional smile and slowly backed out of the room.

“Ok Otty. Watch these cartoons until I come back.”

“Where are you going daddy? You’re going to work?”

“No. It’s Saturday. It’s week-end. Why do you think we had time to play the morning? You know usually you don’t see me in the morning because I am at work long before you’re even waking up. No. I just need to prepare a little surprise for mommy when she wakes up. You know, it’s nice to do nice things for the ones you love…”

“And you love mommy! Yey!”

The man made the boy a sign to tone it down so the other half of the family can get some well-deserved rest.

“I will not be long. Watch the cartoons.”

He shuffled the boy’s hair and left the room smiling. Yes, it felt so good to be with his family, with his lovely wife that he’s adoring from the first moment he saw her, with his son that is growing up and, at just two years old, he’s so loving and smart and cares so much of the world and his family, with his newborn that just came home a couple of days ago and made his family a whole. His smile was an involuntary one, a smile that was stubborn to stay on his face for a long time. That’s the smile that he was wishing that everyone would experience and keep it for as long as they live.

Ho opened the door to the garage and head to the car, popped the trunk and pulled out a plastic garbage bag. It didn’t look too heavy but it was pretty bulky. He brought the bag in and head to the laundry room, opened the washing machine and poured the contents in it, switched the dial of the machine, poured some detergent and CLOROX and got it going. The feel good smile slightly morphed in a satisfaction one knowing that she will be pleased with what he just did.

“Hey Otty, I’ll make some breakfast. What do you want to eat?” he asked once he got in the living room. He knew already he made a mistake asking a toddler what he wants to eat for breakfast. He almost lip synced what the boy said: “peanut butter and jelly sandwich with milk".

“Can we eat here, daddy?” the boy added quickly to be sure his daddy heard him and that he will agree on bringing the breakfast in front of the TV.

“You know what? It’s Saturday. For sure! We need to feel like week-end”

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!” the boy whispered pretending to be loud from his body language.

The man’s smile morphed again, but this time in an amused one. He always wondered where he is coming up with all these behaviors and ideas. He was proud of his son. He always wanted boys and God gave him two now. Yes, he had double trouble…

“Ok. Here it is. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the royal pilots. After such a rough landing I think we are entitled to treat ourselves from the royal kitchen with the best chef’s specialty.”

“You forgot the milk daddy” the boy said laughing at his dad’s silliness.

“Oh, my dear commander, you’re right. I will go fetch it right now. But before I go, may I ask how you would like your milk? In a cup or in a bottle?”

“Daddy, you’re funny” the boy said and slipped into the character “Please bring me a cup, Sir! I am not a baby anymore. I am a royal commander air-force pilot and I deserved to be treated like a man!”

The boy’s reply made the man burst in a suppressed laughter. He was trying to keep quiet, but the boy was way too funny. He loves him so much. He wished his father would’ve been that goofy with him when he was a kid, but it didn’t happen. Now he seized the opportunity and he made the best of it and it paid off. These moments are priceless.

She opened her eyes slowly like being afraid that the air moved by her eyelashes will wake the little one. Such a cozy feeling. The coffee smell was still lingering around the home and she wanted one so badly. Daniel was still sleeping. Quiet. Peaceful. Just seeing his face brought her a smile. She couldn’t believe that her life turned around so good and in such a good direction. Here she was lying down with her precious newborn, in the living room was the man that rescued her, her knight with shiny helmet because he didn’t have an armor at the time, with her first born which, in her eyes, was a genius. What more could she ask from life? Oh. Coffee. Right.

“Hey, I’ll go check on the laundry. I’ll be right back”

“Ok daddy.” the boy barely mumbled chewing on the peanut butter sandwich.

While Otty was absorbed by the funny cartoons that they were watching, Attila went in the laundry to check on the load. Opened the washing machine. Everything was looking good and white. He put a little more Clorox to make sure they will be bright when she sees them.

His face was so peaceful. His eyes were closed but his eyelashes were so fragile, so delicate, his nose was so tiny and squishy, his lips were like sculpted by an artist. Here she was, falling in love again. For the third time. This time with Daniel, the little baby that was starting his life in such a loving family. She couldn’t stop staring at him, at every details of his face, at every little hair on his tiny head, at the almost see trough tiny ears, at the little chicks that were budging every time when he would cry or smile. She’s lucky. He did smile sometimes to her and not because he was gassy.

The peace in the room was so comforting. It’s the first time she felt like that since the birth. She really needed a break like this so she can regain herself and her mind, herself.

She would like to wake him up so she can get her well-deserved coffee, but she didn’t want to spoil the moment. It was too precious to be selfish. Now she was sharing this with him just how she will share her whole life with him. She is his mother until her last breath.

He was lying there so still and so peaceful, so quiet and so calm.

She couldn’t help herself and she needed to caress him. Her finger gently touched his hair and sled down on his temple, down on his ear and on his chick. He was sleeping. She was hoping to not wake him up. Because he didn’t react to her touch, she felt accomplished. She was able to love him without disturbing him. And again she got lost in staring at his little being lying there resting: his eyes, his nose, his mouth… so cute and fragile, his little body cuddled up under the thing blanket. Not a sound, not a move. Not a move?

She pulled her head back to be able to have a full view of him, touched his forehead, sled her fingers on his chick. Nothing. She didn’t want to freak out. It might just be an illusion. She softly pinched his ear… Nothing. She let a desperate scream out of her lungs which, like a thunder, filled and shook the house in a split second.

“What?” the husband appeared in the door with big eyes and his heart pumping.

“The baby!” the woman barely made sense of her mumbling

“What?!” he came closer while she got the little one in her arms. He wasn’t responsive.

“I think he’s dead” she cried and looking around with desperation tried to find ways to cater to the newborn.

“No. It can’t be.”

The man approached to look closer and see how he can help. Both of them were panicked. Otty showed up and joined the emotional whirlpool not understanding exactly what’s happening, but being influenced by the cry that flood the house.

Her tears we’re blurring her vision. She was lost. She took Daniel and snuggled him in close to her heart to keep him comfortable. Maybe he can hear her heart beating and that will get him to know that mommy is there for him. Attila picked up the phone and called the Emergency. Otty was crying holding to his leg. While he was waiting for an answer, the man picked him up and held him in his arms. The toddler was crying on his shoulder and hugging him strong with his little arms. The operator picked up.

“911, what is your emergency?”

“Quick! My newborn is not moving. We need an ambulance fast!”

“Sir, did you check for pulse?”

“I don’t know how. It’s a newborn. He’s small. Where do I do that?”

“Sir, did you listen for a heartbeat?”

“No…” turning to her “can you please listen for a beat?”

She was holding the little one as cozy as a mother can hold her precious baby and she was afraid to disturb him. She went to the bed, lay him there and put her ear close to his chest. She was hoping. Even that the tiny chest wasn’t really moving, she was hoping to hear something. Nothing. Her cry intensified and looked around not knowing what to do. Even that she was a strong women, this was a blow that she couldn’t take. Right now she wished she was six feet underground or never born. The pain was tearing every cell of her body and it came out in a yell that wished to crush the injustice.

He was standing there with the phone to the ear and his son in his arms. He was speechless. The hope left him and now he was realizing that the one that they just brought from the hospital a couple of days ago, was gone, that their new addition to the family wasn’t anymore, that the little sparkle of joy that brought her laughter and hope, died.

“Sir?.. Sir? Are you still there?”

The man grabbed his son stronger in his arms trying to calm him down. Even that he didn’t really knew what’s happening, Otty was feeling the atmosphere in the room, he was picking up from his mother and he was bulging.

“Sir?!? I need you to talk to me.”

“Yes…” he answered in between the desperate voices that were letting out the anger, the anxiety, the sorrow and the forsaken feelings all combined in a mash of rage.

“I am here… Please send an ambulance. I think it’s too late…”

He put down the phone and, trying to keep strong in front of his family, held his tears and went to his wife to comfort her. When he got closer and watched the little one lying on the bed, knowing the he’s gone, he just burst in a man cry. He loved his family and as much as he tried to be strong for them in those moment he couldn’t hold back his feelings. Fell on his knees beside his wife, put his arm around her and leaned over the little baby. They were all crying. The air was filled with hurt.

A strong and rushed knock on the door threw him out of the morning stance. The loud bangs were covering the cries. He left Otty by his mom and went to open.

“Hello Sir. We received an emergency call from you. Where is the baby?”

“This way” he rushed to show them to the bedroom.

“Ma’am, please step back. We need to assess the baby”.

The paramedic started the procedure while the family was watching helplessly.

“Can I please ask to go in the living room? I need some space and get to some procedures that don’t look too good from outside. Thank you”

They got out of the room and head to the living room. Their faces were red and hot. The mixture of feelings was so confusing that they felt drained.

The man kept working around the baby trying to find ways to find out if he’s really gone or he can do something to bring him back, to wake him up. He didn’t get a pulse or a heartbeat, a breath, or any vital sign so he moved to CPR.

“Come on, you little one, help me out here. I can’t do it myself. I need your will to live. You have a full life in front of you. You need to live it. Don’t just go out” the man was thinking while he was continuing the procedure.

The family was trying to calm down in the living room. The other paramedic was trying to help with some cold compresses for their foreheads and with some water to, at least, take their toughs away from the worst case scenario.

Finally the officer came out of the bedroom.

“I am really sorry… He’s gone”

Elena burst again in a wild cry and fell on the floor crawling in the fetus position. Her husband grabbed the toddler and sled down by her trying to comfort her.

“Sir? What’s this smell?”

“What smell?” the men answered wiping his tears.

“This is ammonia. Sir! This is ammonia! Open all the windows! Now!” the paramedic jumped over a couch right to the main window of the room and opened it wide after that ran to the entrance and opened the door. In the meantime Attila went in the back and opened the other door and every window he found in his path.

“Why does it smell like ammonia in the house? What were you doing?” meeting in the hallway.

“I think it smells like chlorine too” the other paramedic yelled from the other room.

" I don’t know… I didn’t know it smells like ammonia. I work with it at the factory and I don’t smell it anymore."

“Quick, we need to assess the toddler”

“Otty? Otty!”

Both men rushed in the living room and their worst fear was in front of them: the boy was lying on the floor hardly breathing.

“Otty!” the father yelled and kneel by him.

The scream brought back from the mourning trance the mom which froze with her eyes on what was happening a couple of feet away from her.

“Nooooo!” the mom let out an angry yell.

The second paramedic just came from the bedroom after he took care of the baby and embraced her to restrain and comfort her.

The two men were down on the floor and trying to not panic.

“Hey buddy, what’s your name?” the paramedic asked.

“Otty…” the father answered whispering.

“I asked him. Please…”

“Oh. I am sorry.”

“So, what’s your name?”

“Otty…” the boy answered with a fainted voice.

“And how old are you?” the man asked while he was caring on taking everything that would restrain the boys breathing off.

“Two…” the boy let the word out not moving his lips.

Elena calmed down for a second and when she felt that the paramedic’s grip relaxed, she jumped and joined the men on the floor.

“Otty, come on, baby, don’t do this. Stay with mommy. Please baby. Stay with mommy.” She was trying to be strong for him. She wiped her tears and showed her face with a forced smile so the boy can grab on the hope and stay lucid.

“Ma’am…” the paramedic looked at her, but the look he got back showed him that she’s determined to be there and face the situation.

“My little pilot… we’ll buy you a real plane so you can fly high in the sky just as you dreamed.” She was trying to encourage him to stay with them, to think of beautiful things and to not let the situation conquer him.

“Mommy… I’m flying…” the boy smiled.

“What? What did you say, sweetie?” the woman tried to make him speak louder while the paramedic was running a quick PH test on his saliva.

“I’m flyin’…” the boy let the whisper out with a last breath.

Even that she was exhausted, she let a scream out that made everyone cringe. Her face darkens and her veins were bursting through her skin.

“No! No no no no no! Otty! Not you too! Aaaaaaaaah! No! This is not happening! This is not happening!”

The paramedic put his ear on the boy’s chest while he grabbed his wrist to check for pulse. No vital signs. Even he couldn’t believe the situation. When he started his shift he was prepared for everything but not for this.

Attila cringed his teeth and tilted his head trying to not do the same thing like his wife. Muffled, he let out a grown like a lion in pain. He got up and went to his wife, got her in his arms and held her tight. Their family was gone. Now they were just two of them. They were crying in each other’s arms while the paramedics were caring the little ones to the ambulance. She barred her face in his chest looking for comfort, but in these moments nothing and no one could comfort her. His shirt was soaked in her tears. He was caressing her hair and holding her tight, leaning his forehead on her head.

“Sir, I am sorry” the lead paramedic approached them wiping his tears. Even that he was trained to deal with any situations, this touched him deeply. “You will need to come with us at the hospital for paperwork and wait for the authorities to take a deposition at their office”

He lifts his head up and nodded while his eyes stopped on the washing machine. The thought that settled that moment in his mind made him cringe. His face was petrified.