Great questions, I believe making myself happy is key by loving myself, yet I want to spend my days with someone making them happy b/c that’s what makes me ultimately happy a monogamous union to share with one who really loves me. That’s what would make me truly the happiest, cuz I miss being around “him” my desire wants to share and honor him to finally find out what that would be like. So I spend my days focusing on doing that to be happy. I can say that many things make others happy and most people want to focus on that which defines them. For me finding a really good gentleman marrying and being in a spiritual bond and commitment is what I want to achieve in my life this is what I seek for happiness as my core and then everything I do for me to me for “him” accentuates that. For me, my goal in life is finding true love spiritual love, and a monogamous commitment of one who loves me for me cuz I am all he wants as in such a way that it is my passion to have a mate who wants that also, intimately.
As, even so meaning: this feeling that comes from hoping to wish, while dreaming of a union I desire makes me happy, writing it doing art, journaling even being grateful. Doing art is a way I can try and find some form of connection when I can’t see “him” or his smile as that is what I feel I like to do the most. If so, that I can at some way obtain stability to stay in able to hold myself together so that I can hopefully see more of “him” in person one day. Making my life right for us building what we both need, getting my perfection in alignment so I can be happy with him is what helps me stay centered in the hope of not crumbling with all the things I have to maneuver and accomplish.
It is strange, now I discover my personality type is INFJ and it is so true, only certain things I can do and the rest is really difficult being so sensitive and not having my mate by my side, I just really want this “him” to arrive If I don’t run LOL.
It took me so long to chat or to be involved with people which is simple for “work” or goals projects these things. Although and rather than so I find my happiness in working with my elements and practicing metamorphoses in illusions and magic, well that’s my happy. Yet in my emotions where I want to share in my art, I am in a balance struggle with a certain “someone” share vs not, open let him see me to find him or seek with doing so but don’t cuz I only want him to find me LOL. I used to keep all my poetry very private, my lyrics my hidden emotions to this “presence” I have of my twin flame, and I was pushed around a lot by people to share it, or they stole it from me used it for manipulations to me. I also did struggle b/c I wanted to offer this to him in private but it was either to exploit the artists or use it for handles/controls. I held it back my art b/c it became something that was used to hurt me, so I stopped myself a lot at tried to internalize it very much, to keep a buffer. I then tried to release things myself to keep connected to them, I dabbled bits just wanting to wait for him.
I have to struggle all the time to release stuff, I cry a lot b/c it’s terrifying to be artistic and introverted at the same time want interaction yet like to live in my own bubble in so many contexts.
Top of my list of happy? :
If I can say, doing things for “us” or the way we can support others and where ever he is or wants to be.
Being self-understood in doing musical instrumentals to him in fact where he will let me know who he is and desires furthers this journey of happiness.
Doing this to make me feel happy b/c if don’t do something artistically I am sad because the only way to do so in finding him or letting him know about me is to share this truth, so he will be able to decide how to be with me if he would like to be.
Yet, I can get to express all these feelings is an art as some way to cope with celibacy in terms of really wanting to be with the right person, thus far has been a self-exploration to loving myself for him to do so in discovering my happiness really is in luxuries of adorning “him and me.”
That is what makes me happy, that and my k-9 he is so cute and kind and smart.
Let me tell you a story about 40 mins before writing this, I was sitting here wondering what to do where to go (lot’s of changes right now, stay here, fly by to America? But I don’t want to leave my dog here and I don’t know how to arrange it all really.) He came and sat by me and for ten mins put his paw on my leg with his head on my lap. I just cried b/c I don’t know what is best for us, most places won’t take him * he’s a black lab retriever* cuz he’s a large breed and if I move here or I have to make some crucial moves I am not sure what to do for him and me I will be crushed b/c I promise him I won’t leave him (he’s an adopted change over and had 6 other owners, he is so perfect I can’t imagine not having him in my day.)
BUT I honestly thought what will make him happy, yet he wants me to be happy? I realized I make him happy just letting him stay with me and sit. Simple as that he wanted to let me know a lot about my situation and how to assure he is able to be cared for well. My entire life is revolving around this ? at the moment. Even so, speaking this forth is helping me realize this is the exact question I need to understand.