How to forgive and let go SOS

Hi All! Happy New Year!

I am reaching out for advice on how to forgive and let go of the past.

I am well aware of the importance of forgiveness. People often mention that forgiveness is really for yourself and not so much the other person.

My question is, how do I stop the traumatic moments of the past from causing me to develop negative patterns and habits of self-defense?

I learn and understand best by sharing stories. I’d love to hear anyone’s personal experiences with learning to forgive.

Thanks in advance!

Much love :butterfly:

Happy New Year to you as well.

Forgiveness is the best gift to give yourself in this new year. Holding on to anger and hurt only hurts ourselves. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what was said or done. Forgiveness is for us, it sets us free from carrying that negative weight. Writing letters of forgiveness to yourself or anyone you need to forgive, then burning them can be a very profound experience. I also like the mantra “I forgive you for not being the person I wanted you to be”.

Please feel free to reach out to me if you need a template for the letters. I send you wishes for a light and bright new year.

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Hi Collage, Happy New Year to you.

An example that just came to mind with this person.

After years of holding on the incident and pain and hurt of course, I realized it was my expectations that got me hurt, not the person in question.

She did what she needed to do … and me thinking that she should be more caring than that, … I carried it for years and years!

My expectations and interpretations get me in trouble.

Yesterday, it was Assumptions!

I am learning.

Thank You and best of luck to you.

Now, there are a lot of benefits for the person forgiving, and the other ones involved, … and a lot more.

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I read this daily, what a relief when I was able to finally forgive myself, and others. I hope this helps, it has helped me. Happy new year 2021.

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Hi Sunny! Thank you for sharing, I so feel this! Your example helps a lot, I can understand how you felt. I love how you mention how our own expectations and interpretations can get you into trouble. I feel that way too about my own. & yes I understand! I’ve always gone by that saying, Assumptions make an as* out of u & me (assume) :joy:
But thank you so much your reply was very helpful!

Thank you for sharing, love this! I heard there is a great book called the Four Agreements. Have you ever heard of it/read it?

Hi FeelGood, I like your username and thank you for your reply! You know growing up my mom always said that exact same thing about holding onto anger. I definitely understand what you’re saying. I feel like I am still learning how to truly forgive. There are certain things that people have done in my past that almost feel too hard to let go of or move past. However, I really love your suggestion of writing letters out, I am going to give it a try!

Hi CollageCorner,

I’m glad you are going to give the letters a try. Sometimes you have to write them to the same person and burn more than once to really let go. And here’s the thing with the mantra, “I forgive you for not being the person I wanted you to be”, you don’t have to believe it at first, just keep saying it because over time you will :slightly_smiling_face:. I can personally attest to that. Here is a template for the letter, just to help you get started. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, just make it ring true for you.

Dear _______,

This is what you did to me that really hurt me. (Then explain)

This is what I am grateful for because of this experience _____. (explain)

I completely forgive you. I take back my control and I control what I think about myself.

Then burn the letters and feel release.

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Yes, I read it along time ago and recommend it.

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Hello, I can tell you what has helped me to move on from my traumatic past and remove negative blockages. I started involving myself into spiritually. Through meditation, journaling, listening to positive affirmations, replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts(eventually you’ll program your subconsciousness to shift from negative to positive in due time) and talk to others who have been through similar experience. Start to tune in to your inner self and raise your conscious awareness.

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Happy New Year to you.

What a great start to the year and some great tips coming through.

Another process that I use to heal unforgiveness and repeating patterns is guided meditation. They have helped me heal some of the traumas that were haunting me. If you search YouTube for a guided meditation to heal whatever the issue is that you are facing, you will find some great ones. Even trying a straight out guided forgiveness meditation might be of some help to you.

The guided meditations have also helped me to understand my issues, and they have not always been what the conscious mind has identified.

Would love to hear how this process goes for you if you try this.

Love and best wishes to you.

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Thank you for sharing what helps you @DivineDeVona ! I love these suggestions and have been trying to be more consistent with implementing them into my life!

Hi @Didi thank you so much for your suggestion! I have tried guided meditation before but never really concerning forgiveness specifically. This is a great idea. I will have to let you know how it goes when I try it out! Thanks again :relaxed:

I would be happy to talk to you about the process of forgiveness and coach you through it.
Annette
ahurman@comcast.net

Hey there :blush: what we have to remember is that those patterns of negative reactions are all a part of the ego-self. Nearly everyone has one to some degree. More traumas catalyze a denser ego-self which feels more a need to protect against the outside world. The only remedy for this is to contact and begin to merge with your true self underneath that outer density (which isn’t really you- just conditioned behaviours!). I could help you to connect with your true self and lead you through some inner-child work through yoga sequences & meditation. The best tool to eradicate our artificial shells is holistic healing :green_heart::kissing_heart:

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Dear CollageCorner,

Here’s one of the thing ways I’ve learned over time to work with self limiting beliefs.

Noticing the traits that are self-limiting such as preventing oneself from eating because other people have told you negative things about self-image (or being selfish or needy etc…), or feel pressure from others to always have answers.

Then first think of an event in which you feel(in your body, and mind) and are experiencing the limiting belief. On a scale of 1-10 how strong it is. What happened during the event. lets say ur person a, then person b or situation b happened. How did person a respond.(responding usually with a self-limiting belief)

Now trace back an earlier memory of when this happened. Check to make sure that you are experiencing the same limiting belief.

Keep tracing back.

When you can’t trace back anymore, you’ve likely found one point of origin.
Note how Person a(yourself) and Person B and all that was involved in the situation played out. What did you tell yourself after this experience?(what limiting belief you developed).

Now Start the same situation again and with your future self to back you up, have your past self stand up for yourself and empower yourself by speaking your mind, doing what you should have done then and change what you learned from that moment.

look around to see if there are any other times that you remember before. If so do this again. ^

Now notice how your current self, whats happening with your stress? what do you believe now? What are you going to do differently in the future? Are you going to write down what you learn. Are you going to have a I tried my best jar in which, even if you felt pressure from limiting belief, you still were able to remember that this is a limiting belief and replay out the scenario in your mind showing you being empowered. then when you get home, you put some type of value system in it, like coins(money), sticky notes with positive affirmations. Also have a piece of paper to keep track of a point system. When you have reached a landmark, treat yourself to something nice.

Example for dissecting the direct event which caused you to start with limiting belief.
For limiting beliefs about eatting

It was late one night, and person a went to the fridge. they found a cake in the fridge. then someone called. you picked up the phone and starting eating a slice of cake. Also watching something on tv. then either the person on the phone starts increasing your anxiety because they just reminded you of something they needed to do or something you forgot to do. You eat more cake unconsciously. the person whose cake it is comes home. they see you finished the cake and flip out. They say how could you have eaten all that cake. I was gonna use it for the bake sale tomorrow. I must be starving you if you managed to eat all that cake, ungrateful child. What will you do if you get fat? Now I need to get a new cake.

Reedited scenario.
It was late one night, a hungry person went to the fridge. they found a cake in the fridge. then someone called. you picked up the phone and served yourself a slice of cake. Also watching something on tv. then either the person on the phone starts increasing your anxiety because they just reminded you of something they needed to do or something you forgot to do. You eat more cake unconsciously. while listening to them and watching tv. the person whose cake it is comes home. they see you finished the cake. They say how could you have eaten all that cake. I was gonna use it for the bake sale soon.

“I didn’t mean to, I will help you get another cake tomorrow. Tomorrow I will come with you to the store to buy another cake. If you need help at the bake sale, I can help out.”

“ok…, let’s just get the cake tomorrow, try to be more careful in the future”

now checking what your response is to this new situation, what did you learn?, how do you feel now?, how did empowering oneself help in this situation. think of a possible situation in the future and using what you’ve learned to change your behavior.

The situation in the future
You go to a barbeque, after everyone gets their food(you love yourself and convince yourself to get seconds) then you learned that they are out of food.

A person whose already had some food comes over, points at your newly acquired food in hand.

“Are you really gonna eat that?/ it’s a lot of food,/ it’s a lot of fatty foods/ you don’t like bbq food that much” You pause for a second then with resolve say.

“Yes I am going to eat My food”

“alright” the person walks away.

Also, positive affirmation video.
If you want to find what you need to forgive listen to a bit when awake, if not, you can put on as low as possible and listen to as subliminal.

If you have any questions or want me to lead you in the processes describe above, just message me :slight_smile:

Love,
TheLightsGuide1234

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Hello Collage, Forgiveness is such a strong thing to do. You can always forgive but forgetting is so much harder. Once you forgive there is a feeling of a negative weight because you still cant forget either what was said, done or doing. Holding on to something for so long can help you to never forget or to forgive. If you aren’t happy with what is going on try to do something new take your mind off of it. How I always forgave/forget is I wrote it on a piece of paper, Wrote out my pros and cons and really studied on myself which will benefit me in the long run. Maybe give that a shot ?
I wish you the best of luck and a great 2021.

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Hi @Edvolution thank you so much for your response! I agree with you and have recognized some of my conditioned behaviors and trauma responses. I feel like I am in a space where I am finally becoming my true self. I would love to learn more about inner-child work. It sparks my curiosity! Right now I feel like I utilize my collage work and creativity to create for my inner-child. Much love :butterfly:

Hi @mkayla_h18 thank you so much for your response! I really appreciate your advice to try something new to take my mind off of things. I have begun finding healthier ways to cope and self-soothe during hard times. I enjoy making artwork or practicing self-care - whether that be through deep breaths, completing my skin routine or cleaning my space and lighting a candle. I love your suggestion of writing on a piece of paper. Thanks again and best wishes to you in 2021 as well! :relaxed: