How to forgive and let go SOS

Hi All! Happy New Year!

I am reaching out for advice on how to forgive and let go of the past.

I am well aware of the importance of forgiveness. People often mention that forgiveness is really for yourself and not so much the other person.

My question is, how do I stop the traumatic moments of the past from causing me to develop negative patterns and habits of self-defense?

I learn and understand best by sharing stories. I’d love to hear anyone’s personal experiences with learning to forgive.

Thanks in advance!

Much love :butterfly:

Happy New Year to you as well.

Forgiveness is the best gift to give yourself in this new year. Holding on to anger and hurt only hurts ourselves. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what was said or done. Forgiveness is for us, it sets us free from carrying that negative weight. Writing letters of forgiveness to yourself or anyone you need to forgive, then burning them can be a very profound experience. I also like the mantra “I forgive you for not being the person I wanted you to be”.

Please feel free to reach out to me if you need a template for the letters. I send you wishes for a light and bright new year.

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Hi Collage, Happy New Year to you.

An example that just came to mind with this person.

After years of holding on the incident and pain and hurt of course, I realized it was my expectations that got me hurt, not the person in question.

She did what she needed to do … and me thinking that she should be more caring than that, … I carried it for years and years!

My expectations and interpretations get me in trouble.

Yesterday, it was Assumptions!

I am learning.

Thank You and best of luck to you.

Now, there are a lot of benefits for the person forgiving, and the other ones involved, … and a lot more.

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I read this daily, what a relief when I was able to finally forgive myself, and others. I hope this helps, it has helped me. Happy new year 2021.

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Hi Sunny! Thank you for sharing, I so feel this! Your example helps a lot, I can understand how you felt. I love how you mention how our own expectations and interpretations can get you into trouble. I feel that way too about my own. & yes I understand! I’ve always gone by that saying, Assumptions make an as* out of u & me (assume) :joy:
But thank you so much your reply was very helpful!

Thank you for sharing, love this! I heard there is a great book called the Four Agreements. Have you ever heard of it/read it?

Hi FeelGood, I like your username and thank you for your reply! You know growing up my mom always said that exact same thing about holding onto anger. I definitely understand what you’re saying. I feel like I am still learning how to truly forgive. There are certain things that people have done in my past that almost feel too hard to let go of or move past. However, I really love your suggestion of writing letters out, I am going to give it a try!

Hi CollageCorner,

I’m glad you are going to give the letters a try. Sometimes you have to write them to the same person and burn more than once to really let go. And here’s the thing with the mantra, “I forgive you for not being the person I wanted you to be”, you don’t have to believe it at first, just keep saying it because over time you will :slightly_smiling_face:. I can personally attest to that. Here is a template for the letter, just to help you get started. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, just make it ring true for you.

Dear _______,

This is what you did to me that really hurt me. (Then explain)

This is what I am grateful for because of this experience _____. (explain)

I completely forgive you. I take back my control and I control what I think about myself.

Then burn the letters and feel release.

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Yes, I read it along time ago and recommend it.

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Hello, I can tell you what has helped me to move on from my traumatic past and remove negative blockages. I started involving myself into spiritually. Through meditation, journaling, listening to positive affirmations, replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts(eventually you’ll program your subconsciousness to shift from negative to positive in due time) and talk to others who have been through similar experience. Start to tune in to your inner self and raise your conscious awareness.

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Happy New Year to you.

What a great start to the year and some great tips coming through.

Another process that I use to heal unforgiveness and repeating patterns is guided meditation. They have helped me heal some of the traumas that were haunting me. If you search YouTube for a guided meditation to heal whatever the issue is that you are facing, you will find some great ones. Even trying a straight out guided forgiveness meditation might be of some help to you.

The guided meditations have also helped me to understand my issues, and they have not always been what the conscious mind has identified.

Would love to hear how this process goes for you if you try this.

Love and best wishes to you.

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Thank you for sharing what helps you @DivineDeVona ! I love these suggestions and have been trying to be more consistent with implementing them into my life!

Hi @Didi thank you so much for your suggestion! I have tried guided meditation before but never really concerning forgiveness specifically. This is a great idea. I will have to let you know how it goes when I try it out! Thanks again :relaxed: