Experience of Having Two African Parents

Hello again. It’s ya girl Mudiwa.

My mom is from Ghana and my father is from Zimbabwe. So I’ve always been the kid who respects their parents. Friends always wondered why I couldn’t just sneak out. Even though I was 18 years old. I tried to explain that that’s just the way it is.

Then it got to the point where I was so isolated I didn’t even notice.

I wasn’t allowed to go to parties. Unless it was at my own house. I couldn’t drink unless it was at my own house. I couldn’t get the mental help I felt that I needed. Because apparently mental health is something the devil sends to those who are lost from god. Weed I know is conflict for lots of people but I’m 20 years old now and I’m still being told I am sinning for smoking it.

I’ve moved out with my boyfriend. Who’s 22. We are happy and working together. And no matter how many times I tell them that. He’s still not apparently good enough for them. He didn’t finish high school. But… He’s the hardest working person I know but because school is missing he loses value to them. So I had to disconnect.

My mental health spiked because of them. And when I told them. I was disrespectful for telling them how they made me feel. Even when I was in my lowest points they weren’t there to help. Just to judge and tell me I’m wrong for doing the things that made me happy. I always did well in school, I wasn’t a heavy high school partier, but everything I did was wrong.

Until now that I’m out of that house. I’m striving. I’m going to counselling, I finally got the meds I needed for my depression, I’ve been keeping busy and working on myself. I have a nice house with my boyfriend, and we work well together. We are younger but we are helping each other. We talk like we are married. And that’s something that rare at this age and my parents don’t care. He’s white. I am black. So what?

I’m happy and I feel safe. Why is that a problem?

I wrote this entry because these are some of the things people don’t talk about in their family that should be. People shouldn’t fear their parents like people fear god. You can leave. You can do something for yourself if you know they are causing you pain. But you need a plan. You need support! You deserve to be heard and should not let the people you love hurt you.

Have a great day!

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I completely understand where you’re coming from. Being that I have grown up with 2 very strict, controlling and super religious parents, I feel your pain. Majority of my life I have felt like I was living for them and not for me. I only got good grades and was a good student because that’s what they wanted me to do. It put extra pressure on me to be better so I could make them proud. Fast forwarding to highschool, I ended up dating a guy that they didn’t approve of either. We dated 3 years before we finally broke up because of my parents. My parents always told me that if I had sex, I would go to hell. Being that they were super religious and very controlling, I always felt like everything i did was never enough. My 10th and 11th grade year of highschool I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety from my doctor. It took a while for my parents to “believe” me because they as well felt like it was very impossible for me to have both. Being that my dad was also a therapist, he advised that I should just talk to him and that made me very upset because these were the very people I needed to talk about with someone else. Fast-forward to now, I am 21 years old now. I made the decision to leave home once I graduated highschool and started hair school. I had to realize that I couldn’t grow in an environment that broke me. I had to do something for myself and it was the best decision I ever made. I too, ended up getting the help that I needed to be the adult I am now. All I can advise you to do is stay true to yourself and focus on living the life you want for yourself. Build your own life worth living. It’s definitely a mental thing when it comes to parents like ours. Stay strong you’re heading in the right direction. You’re with someone you love and you guys are building a life together. I wish you all the best of luck(weed is not bad I’m a proud weed smoker lol)

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Man! I’m sorry you had to go through it too. It’s not fair! Parents should be there to guide not control! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one!