For a majority of my life, I’ve always felt very different from the people around me.
My parents are quite traditional, conservative and very religious.
Personally, I believe in God and I believe its important to build a personal relationship with God (I’m on a faith/ spiritual journey and I have a ways to go) but some things about organized religion and just the hypocrisy and judgement of some church folks always rubbed me the wrong way.
Growing up, I remember often feeling like the odd ball out within my family. I remember feeling afraid to show up as my authentic self, in fear of judgement or criticism from my parents. I remember always wondering why they were so strict about things and why a lot of things were the way they were. And I remember not knowing how to communicate with my parents in the slightest.
It doesn’t help much that I am super sensitive.
I am a very emotional and soft person. I love to have meaningful conversations with open minded people within safe space (judgement free zones). I love dramas and romance. I love expressing myself through art. It’s honestly difficult for me to watch anything involving any violence. When global tragedies strike and when I hear about tragic news it really takes a toll on me emotionally and physically sometimes.
So you guessed it, I’ve been doing just peachy through this global pandemic.
lol nah this pandemic completely threw me for an entire loop and a half.
I am also an overthinker.
Through all the isolation, uncertainty, loss and grief of 2020, I hit what felt like my breaking point.
But the incredible thing (to God be the glory). I haven’t broken and I’m still here.
I remember having such a difficult time coping with so much death and grief this year. Oluwatoyin Salau’s murder hit me especially hard. I remember thinking about how she was only 19 and how she was so viciously assaulted and murdered by someone disguised as offering help.
What a sick world.
At that time, I was also in the process of transitioning to a new role. Thankfully I was able to work from home, but the transition wasn’t easy and I was not adjusting to the job as well as I had hoped. I felt inadequate and like a failure. I also felt unsatisfied and meaningless in life.
I was having a rough time to say the least. There were multiple transitions happening in my life all at once. I was also in the process of moving to a new home. To be honest I was just trying to adjust to adulting in general.
I am learning that transitions are one of my opportunities for growth.