Anyone feel like a 'tool'?

I don’t necessarily need to make a bunch of new years resolutions today that I’m not gonna keep anyway, but there is something that’s laying heavily on my mind.

The circle of friends that I have is very small, and being an INFP, I actually prefer it that way.
But, I can’t help but feel as though the majority only want to talk when They have the desire, even though I’ll take a moment at any time for them as long as I’m not driving or very busy.

We all have some type of life and I realize everyone isn’t available 24-7, nor would I need them to be.

Two, close friends in particular, my dearest friends are the worst for this more so than any others.
They both work, and have lives, but they also have a lot of ‘down time’.
I know their schedule pretty well, as they know mine.

However, more days than not, I feel like the very definition of a tool:
(A Tool; Someone who lacks the capacity to realize theyre being used by someone else. A fool.)

But I can’t help it. 🤷 I love them very much.
When They Wanna talk or text, everything is Great!

I realize that if the problem was bad enough, I could just walk away from the friendship, but I think they both know that I care too much and it would be highly unlikely for me to just ghost them.

I’ve had a talk about this with my Best friend, but it was without positive affect or remedy. Always an excuse to put me back in my place,…in my glass case to break only in case of emergency. Except, I’m not cased, I’m most always more available, and nothing gets shattered when they need me. Particularly feelings.

If I’m not gonna be available for awhile, I’ll give them a heads up in the event that they want or need to talk at that time, and if so, I’ll get back to them asap.
However, this is never, or hardly ever returned to me.

Texting, for me is relatively the Same as speaking on the phone with someone.
They’re Both forms of communication, right?
It seems texting has taken away a little something that could be need to know info, and made it optional information.
Courtesy is no longer required?

I dunno. I realize this sounds like a pity trip, but it’s beginning to get deeper under my skin.

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Hi Derek! How are you? Happy New Year! I am an INFJ so I relate to many things your INFP has in relativity to being. I will say, I had to learn to apply my craving of importance vs the reason for interaction with others as an advantageous remedy…

I will always be haunted by the lack of feeling reciprocated in terms of endearing interactions as to how I know I give to care where others have never received it, as this is my gift to help people with. As so, and probably don’t know how to appreciate it b/c this is my gift is in skills of the “unseen”. Yet, it makes it very difficult to be understood and to thrive in terms of fulfillment from others, b/c they don’t know how to or it is for me to satisfy. This reason is b/c I had to really learn my gifts and why I have them to understand why I don’t seem to be “seen” if you will.

The veil of the unknown is to see in a place where others can’t sense, feel, get to in the spiritual and or non-physical realm. So, the more I define my own perceptions of this the more I understand why I can’t be “recognized” in the traditional sense of human interactions. This is the way of the solid physical, vs what can be valued in the mundane realms vs my keeping of the realms beyond the veil. B/c, where I am to see/sense where others can’t sensitize too, is a struggle to define as they will never grasp how to truly reciprocate or understand how to “value” it unless they to are able to conceptualize it from relativity. This in terms, is true where I need satisfaction for honor and appreciation of such things by factors of ideal affection and wonder to those who strive the essence of form. As so, it is a rare quality to find it in people who will be able to factor what I do in terms of where I have become in so reciprocate the traditional value of that. It is essential to understand or get me, in operation rather than the service of the “offering”.

This is where I have been the last year, trying to realize and recognize the impossible explaining the conceptualization of the unexplainable. The trajectory of my thesis on the topic of Quantum Mechanics and teleportation in terms of the relativity of spiritual matter and form. The value of how to receive that which is essential to find the ultimate remedy to fulfilling the invisible with tangible centered truth. WHY I crave so much in and of how to develop the satiation to where I need to have the understanding to appreciate myself, without the lack of reciprocation of value vs endearment. With so, I have now found it in developing a means to ultimately utilize this to benefit my sacred desires in terms of outlets that utilize my gifts best. As so fulfill my own enjoyments in life, with my moral decree being respected without the overt force of others will and trespass against the requests of my own truth.

The removal of selflessness or such great gifts to be overtly “used” is only when you are taken advantage of IMO. This is because I know I have to have boundaries greater than most. It is so simple for self-centered individuals to take from the compassion of those of us who are considerate ultimately. So it’s like having a blind spot because we don’t recognize how to use others like the will of determining of those who lack empathy. Right nor wrong, there has to be a balance and so being alert to the traits that are advantageous to your personality or type will help one avoid being a victim to the effects of other’s roles, as I see it. This is a factor in their operations, vile, cruel, or evil deeds can be avoided easily then, and then it creates a barrier for such targeting of unsatisfactory in traits that find the kindness from others vulnerbilities.

I know for the kindness I offer is deep, and caring has to have a limit to not self-neglect b/c of those who find a target to do so. I know what I crave to be nostalgic, b/c I will always be “invisible” to what people can’t see. Then so I can direct it better so I can use that to benefit my journey while being of service to others while not neglecting my self in terms of honoring who I am with compassion.

Meaning: just my own perception, and interspection and offering of insight which could help you determine your truth in clarity for yourself if it resonates somehow:

“I” feeling satisfaction for becoming a “support” text agent, where people can text “me” and or you “an idea or inspiration you can try somehow” based on their needs to you that match your desire to be recognized in why you want to be appreciated or recognized by another who is seeking your type of dynamic personality. This is how I seem to have an “acknowledgment”. That satisfies supplementing how this can remedy when “you” feel ignored, as that is how I have fulfilled that “feeling”.

Examples would be, I joined a “Veterans” and or volunteer program, to be there for others when they can appreciate the valued gift of skills I offer. Therefore when “I” have this “reflection” in finding emotional lacks, I did so in being satisfied by the appreciation of “kindness” on time allotted to me gifted my services in numerous ways. This is when it is not one-sided, where my value is b/c I am counted on as appreciation of being so. This and dedication to others or a cause can be utilized for the best good and self-honor, without being taken advantage of or feeling lack of acknowledgment of service (applying it in ways that appreciate rather than deplete is getting out of amateurism/martyrs’ programming IMO.)

I found this essential while I can support myself and not neglect my own happiness. I can fulfill it with what is “essential” to not lack this desire for self-appreciation in the remedy of my will. I need this to have the right system which offers solutions and appreciation to value my own gifts and understanding how to support others with them. Yet so, while I fulfill my own feelings in terms of enjoyment rather than having a lack of my own happiness, I found it to be nothing else satisfy’s me really.

I only offer this in terms of my own reflection and empathy to your situation as this is how and what I learned over this year. Maybe something in it can help you understand your life and path better. Thanks for the topic b/c it helps me reflect and clarify my own process of enlightened striving I have been doing within learning my own personality and how I can have self-mastery in it.

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